Berkshire Shire Hall R.F.C.

With a team that the Rugby section fielded, the opponents in the Club Mega Quiz were a worried bunch as the quiz started. The team comprised of Jerry Godfrey, Geraint Thomas, Tom Birch, Scott Thompson, Luke Barefoot and Jon Morley. What with Geraint’s degree in Biblical Studies and Luke’s knowledge of the Arctic Monkeys, all members played their part in a memorable victory! Pity Tom couldn’t remember some Czech author whose book he had but hadn’t read – he’d only got past the pictures! That’s two consecutive club quizzes that we have now won in style!!

A fine body of players, past and present assembled for the Annual Kicking Cup. Current holder, Scott Thompson, was confident he could retain his title on account of him having more practice during the season.  Former winners Paul Chandler, Adam Bishop and Geraint Thomas were also in attendance to ensure Scotty would not have it his own way.

After the first round most of the former holders had fallen by the wayside. Even Neil Evans landed a successful kick – a vast improvement from his effort at Wallingford a couple of years ago (You had to be there!). Dark horse Matt Doughty approached his first kick with Jonny Wilkinson like precision. Trouble was his first attempt landed nearer the corner flag than anywhere near the posts – so was his second!

After the first round of kicks,six players were still in contention – Walker, Altmann, Holmes, Barefoot, Lawton and Chandler. The 10 metre line kick proved to be too difficult for most (especially Lawton!), just leaving Altmann and Walker to battle it out on the drop kick. Despite the poor service from Geraint (why did he ever think he could play scrum half?), Walker took the honours and left Altmann distraught (never mind Tom, second rows are not supposed to be able to kick!)

WINNER: CHRIS WALKER

Finally, the season is over and we now focus on the Keith Walker Memorial Match. The squads are:

Meet time is 2.00pm. Kick Off: 3.00pm

Players who have played this season will be asked to vote for your Players’ Player of the Season so get your thinking caps on !

My recollections if they help:

Guinnness
Lunch
Gunness
Rain
lots of early pressure and mud
plenty of port
Well worked try and conversion
lots more mud,rain and port
lots of fumbles
the occasional line break
more mud rain and port
good opposition pressure
better home defence
final whistle
Guinness

Editor’s Note: For those younger members, Crofty was a devastating centre who couldn’t half tackle but being as blind as a bat, couldn’t catch the ball!

The stage was set, 3 wins in a row and all the VP’s were out in force and good spirits to cheer Shire on in what was to be an extremely tough test versus 3^rd in the league Wheatley. As the brave troops and a very hung-over Sam Watkins arrived at the club the weather took a turn for the worse and the heavens opened churning up the pitch which perhaps played into the hands of the muscular and athletic Shire pack. The team arrived at the club a whole hour and 45 minutes before kickoff and so the warm-up began. Some exquisitely executed dynamic stretching followed by some well drilled handling exercises set the tone for the day, as game time approached the forwards and backs split to run through some specific game scenarios and then the squad moved into some unopposed action. It was game time, an air of confidence surging through the veins of the Shire squad as a result of the teams fantastic recent form, we knew that if we started well, kept defence as tight as usual and executed on the game plan outlined in the pre-match team talk, we could give Wheatley a real run for their money.

The referee started the game with a short sharp whistle which pierced through the falling rain, Shire immediately asserted pressure through the forwards and through a number of short pick and drives, gained good territory into the Wheatley half and eventually into their 22. An offside was called against Wheatley as they strived to stop the Shire momentum, Scott Thompson took a pop at goal and dragged it wide by a whisker, I assume he’ll blame the conditions but I was stood behind him and saw him shank it slightly, never mind, A* for effort. Shire continued to knock on the Wheatley door, the catch phrase for the pre-game run around was to “Earn the right to go wide “and despite the conditions, we executed on that and tried to get it out the backs after a few phases from the forwards. Through some strong running from the forwards, especially Ruan De Wet Shire found themselves camped in and around the Wheatley 22, maintaining consistent pressure yet not quite having the required penetration (wheyyy) to break through and score. For every 5 phases of Shire dominance Wheatley would steal the ball back from us and clear their lines, either through some sloppy play or poor discipline on our part. Adam Bishop ensured that anytime Wheatley did have the ball, he did his best to both scream RELEEEAAAASSSEEEE like a school girl and in an excellent overall performance, steal the ball after tackling strongly. I counted at least 2 or 3 steals from him individually throughout the game. Eventually, Shire made the pressure count. After a few phases from the forwards on the fringe of the Wheatley 22, their back line was sucked in narrowly and slick hands allowed our VC Chris Walker to cross the line and finish off under the posts, this time Scott Thompson made no mistakes and slotted home to make the scores 7-0. Wheatley then made a rare foray into the Shire half and found themselves on the cusp of a score, with a 4 man overlap they somehow managed to give a forward pass and ruin their momentum. After a few more to and fro phases, the referee signalled the end of an enthralling first half. The VP’s did a fantastic job of ensuring spirits were high, with a concoction of Port and Doombar ensuring everybody knew they were in attendance. An interesting fact was raised, since the introduction of a certain citrus fruit at half time, Shire had won every game. I don’t know why it is, but they taste so damn good at half time, I personally don’t eat the orange I just suck the juices and leave the pithy fruit bit, but some choose to eat it, personal preference I guess. The half time team talk consisted of stern words ensuring we maintained the pressure and ensured our defence stayed solid. We were encouraged to keep it tight as the conditions continued to worsen.

The 2^nd half began with Shire kicking off, after a few phases in midfield Shire broke through after an instinctive kick from Chris Holmes and a great chase from Alex Webb, the ball just teetered over the dead ball line and Shire were only inches away from a 2^nd score. In that same corner, I’m not exactly sure when but thought it was important to mention, Harry and Alex decided to go back to their football days and play a bit of Chuckle brother, to you, to me style football resulting in a penalty to Wheatley where they were able to clear their lines, after some good pressure… Thanks guys. The game continued in the same vein as the first half, with Shire having the majority of the territory but not penetrating (wheyyy again) through to score. Substitutes made a massive impact for Shire with Matt Doughty, Ben Stanesby, Greg Poet, Brian Cooper and Paul Chandler all ensuring that energy levels remained high for the last 20 minutes, defying their combined age of 4,721.  Towards the end of the 2^nd half, it became “Squeaky Bum Time” and Shire became a bit frantic and careless in some of their work and that resulted in Wheatley gaining some good territory and concerted pressure for the first time in the game. Wheatley pinned Shire’s backs to the wall in the closing stages, ensuring that our defence was well and truly tested. A number of Wheatley line-outs on the 5m line which were expertly disrupted by both Tom Altmann and Tim Holmes ensured that Wheatley couldn’t get a strong platform to build upon. Further excellent defensive work including a rhinoceros like tackle from Ben Lawton and an overlap quashing, tortilla like wrap tackle from Alex Webb ensured that Wheatley were not going to cross the Shire line. If this game were a film, these two tackles epitomised the moment where Gandalf stomps his foot and staff into the ground and screamed YOU SHALL NOT PASS. The game ended when Shire won a penalty after some brilliant defending, the ball was kicked out into touch and the referees whistle blew for the final time. This was met with rapturous applause and enthusiastic cheering from players and “fans” alike, smiles all round and a 4^th win on the trot, as well as a 2^nd clean sheet in a row. A fantastic performance well witnessed by a great turnout from the VP’s left everybody with a warm fuzzy feeling in the stomachs of everybody associated with Shire Hall.

Spirits remained high after scolding hot showers and an equally hot Vodka, Chilli and Garlic cocktail mixed by stalwart Andy Carson. Everybody was made to have at least one shot, a few peculiar human beings by the name of Harry and Ruan even asked for 2^nd helpings. The squad will make sure it carries this momentum into Farnham Royal next weekend.

Berkshire Shire Hall 7 – 0 Wheatley

Try: Walker
Conversion: Thompson
Man of the Match: Ruan de Wet (As voted for by the VP’s)

Match report by Tom Altmann

On a rare sunny April afternoon , Shire Hall travelled to Kingsclere on a run of 2 straight victories and a skills based training session from coach Thomas. Looking for that third win in a row Shire turned up before their opposition and were out early with both forwards and backs working on moves and their plans for the game. With a healthy away support on the touchline, Shire kicked off and straight away the tone of the game was set , both teams looking to play a running style of rugby keeping the ball close in hand looking to grind down their opposition.

The Shire defence stood up to the challenge superbly wish Adam Bishop and Tim Holmes especially putting in some great early hits. This was going to be a tactical game and Kingsclere faltered by giving away two penalties in quick succession both of which were slotted over by Scott Thompson to put Shire 6-0 up within 10 minutes.

With Sam Watkins conducting from scrum half, Shire started to use the forwards running lines to great effect to drive forward their territorial advantage and some delightful quick ball from the bottom of a ruck led to vice captain Chris Walker crossing the Kingsclere line for the first try of the game with Thompson adding the conversion.

Shire were now in their groove and limited Kingsclere to only a missed penalty as any chance of scoring. This drove Shire on and more great attacking play and a move involving all of the back line followed and was finished off by Ed Field touching down for Shire’s 2nd try of the game. Half time Kingsclere 0 – 18 Shire Hall.

Shire knew they had to up the level of intensity in the second half and great performances were being put in all over the park especially in the forwards who were dominating both scrum and lineout. Special mention to Tom Altmann who for the first game this season did not drop a ball and Ruan De Wet for a great performance on his return to action after his Egyptian escapades.

Shire had all the possession and territory but made very hard work for themselves with a succession of missed opportunities to put the game to bed. Alex Webb was very unlucky not to get on the score sheet after a great exhibition of wing play all game. However Shire did manage one more score before the end as returning dynamo Harry Gyamfi came off the bench put on the after burners and burst past 4 Kingsclere players to score in the corner.

A big thank you must also go to Ben Lawton for being nominated to take on this report writers drinking duty after the game and having his manhood dunked in his pint a couple of times before having to down it.

A great squad effort by all involved and with only 2 games league games to go Shire will be looking to push forward and climb a few places before the season closes.

Tries : Walker, Field, Gyamfi
Cons : Thompson
Pens : Thompson x 2

Man of the Match : Scott Thompson