Berkshire Shire Hall R.F.C.

Last night Them Crooked Vultures (aka The Mighty Shire) took part in the postponed Megaquiz at the club. Those representing us were:
Paul Chandler
Stuart Clarke
Tom Fisher
Jerry Godfrey
Roger Griffiths
Sam Watkins
Reserves (not used)
Steve Watson
Plastic

After a lengthy quiz involving some really random questions, the Mighty Shire finished 3rd – only 6 points behind the winners. Doc may have a degree in metaphysics but this proved useless. Instead his knowledge of ’80s cartoon characters beggared belief! Do you know who Superted’s mate was? Who were the workers in Fraggle Rock? If you need to know, Doc’s your man! How does Tom know about He-Man ? He wasn’t even born when that was around!!!

The Aldermaston Match Report – Or how writing a match report from the second row is quite difficult, especially when you’re unfit.
It was a good start to the day when most of the squad made the meet time, with El Captain been the major exception. Though he did eventually surface during the warm up, where he came racing across the field sporting a pair of man Ugg boots. The best way to describe the sight was it kind of looked like someone had put clogs on an orangutan.

The good start carried onto the field, and in the first quarter of the game Shire Hall managed to create a two try advantage. The first try came from Bass as he cut through the midfield to score under the posts. Here in lies the problem of writing the match report from the second row, as for the second try I spent most of the build up lying on the ground after receiving a knee to the head in a ruck leading up to the try, so I have no idea who scored or how. I have since been informed that was Chris Walker touching down in the corner.

As half time approached Aldermaston raised their game and Shire Hall did not respond, leading to Aldermaston replying with two tries of their own. So the half time score was two tries apiece, 12 – 12, setting up a tense second half.

With the coach’s words ringing in our ears, Shirehall raised their game for the second half, and scored a further four tries to win the match.

The first try of the half came from Tom Brown, in his first game back from injury. Again I didn’t see it as I was at the bottom of a ruck, but the description of the try I was given was ‘Tom drawing players before going in’. Personally I imagine him standing out on the wing drawing the match, for some reason I imagine Tom would use charcoal as his medium, while wearing a red beret, before putting down his easel and scoring in the corner, losing his beret while diving across the line.

Shire Hall’s fourth try of the match came from Neil Evans as he crashed through three Aldermaston players from about 20m out to touch down under the post. Though this was a selfish try given the speed that Hall had out on the wing, me and Brian. He denied the capacity crowd the chance to our free flowing backs skills.

The fifth try was from Bass, scoring his second try of the game. His description of the try was “I caught the ball behind my own line, beat 3 men, stopped for some crisps n a chat and then rounded the fullback to score under the sticks I think.” Personally I find it a bit suspicious, crisps sound a bit too posh for Bass.

Shire’s final try came from Chris Walker. Again I missed most of the build up as the try came from a scrum, so by the time I looked up I just caught Chris scoring under the posts. But Chris did describe Bass’s pass as been Barnes Wallis-esque.

The scoring was finished by Aldermaston, whose full back streaked the majority of the pitch to score. The final score was 40 -19, with Scott Thompson remembered to bring his kicking boots and getting five conversions.

Man of the Match
Tom Brown

Honourable Mention
Andy Carson, who racked up 100 appearances for Shirehall. Who also apparently has nostrils of steel as he managed to scrum behind Plastic without once complaining about the stench of his kit. I only had to do it once and it was the as if foul beast Cerberus* himself was breathing down my throat.

Doc

* Note for forwards, Cerberus was the three headed hound** who guarded the gates of Hades in Greek mythology.

** Note for Neil, hound is another word for dog.

Check out the pictures from the Boxing Day Extravanga against Old Stonehamians!! And yes that is a picture of our illustrious Chairman attempting a conversion!! By the way……………….it missed!!

RESULT: Shire Hall 22 Old Stonehamians Select XV 5
Tries: Sam Watkins (2), Dave Nesbitt, Neil Evans
Conversion: Sam Watkins

Without wishing to state the obvious, tomorrow’s league match against Aldermaston has had to be postponed due to that white stuff all over the pitch!

There are rugby games to watch on TV at the club if anyone fancies a beer or two……………… or else you can go Xmas shopping!!